Eight common myths about dating

Dating is never easy. You’re excited about the fun opportunity ahead but at the same time, nervous about messing it up. Unfortunately, there aren’t set rules for a successful date — even though your friends will imply there are.

Here are eight common myths about dating “rules” and why they are not true:

1. Because you are shy, guys need to ask you out or make the first move.

When you want something to eat, you go out and get it. Being shy doesn’t hold you back from eating and it shouldn’t hold you back from dating. Don’t confuse being shy with being scared of rejection — and you are not alone in this fear.

Dating is a risk. It could work out or it couldn’t. The only way to know is to give it a chance. Don’t be afraid to take action. If you don’t speak up, you won’t get a date. If you do speak up, you now have the chance of him or her saying yes.

2. If you pay for dinner, you should get sex.

Unless you are dating an escort, sex does not come with the meal. A date is an opportunity to get to know each other and see if there is chemistry. Paying for dinner doesn’t even guarantee you a second date.

3. Taking phone calls and answering text messages is OK on a date.

It is 2008 and we are all well connected to the world. We receive phone calls, text messages pictures, email and can surf the web all on our phones. It does not mean we are allowed to do it on a date. It is just plain rude.

You can give up all the technology for a few hours to enjoy a date and have a real conversation in person. Be respectful and present in your date; you at least owe your date that.

4. You should wait three days before you call for a second date.

Do you wait three days to tell an employer you are going to accept the job? No, because the job may not be available if you wait. It’s the same thing with dating.

If you want a second date, call and plan it out. You can even mention it at the end of the first date. Simply let him know you had a good time and that you’re free this weekend to hang out again. It’s a lot better than spending your weekend alone because you didn’t ask.

5. The top pays for dinner.

Seriously? I have heard this many times from clients and friends. I’m telling you it’s not true. Your sexual position has nothing to do with who pays. Dating manners say the person who planned the date is supposed to pay. I think it is always polite to offer to pay. It’s just good manners.

6. We’re not even locked into the typical dinner-and-movie date. Think unconventionally when setting up your date. Why not take a cooking class together? How about going to zoo or aquarium? Not only do unconventional dates create better experiences, but they help reduce the awkwardness a candlelight dinner can cause.

7. You shouldn’t have sex on the first date.

You are both adults and can choose what to do on your date. There is no proof that waiting to have sex or jumping right into bed with body paints creates successful couples. It’s up to the both of you and your comfort level.

I’ll just warn you: Sex on a first date does not guarantee you a second date and, as I said before, it doesn’t come with a free meal.

8. Because you are both guys, you shouldn’t open the door for him.

Chivalry is not dead. You still want to be polite and have manners. Saying “please” and “thank you,” opening doors and saying “bless you” when your date sneezes are just ways to show you’re a gentleman and respectful. Plus you will make Mom very proud of your behavior.

There isn’t a guaranteed solution to a successful date. A major part of dating is just plain chemistry. Stop trying to play by your friends’ “rules” and make your own as you go along. You know what is best for you.

I would love to hear your dating “rule” myths. Add your personal myths and why they are not true to the comments section. We can work together to make dating a lot easier for everyone.